News

There now follows an announcement from

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, as a trusty conduit to keep YOU abreast of developments, can report that CARDIACS have once again deigned to raise their sour heads over the parapet and perform a series of shows in the UK later this year.
The tour dates follow this announcement.
 
The eagle-eyed among the loyal may care to note that the second show is in the city of Glasgow.
 
Glasgow is in Scotland.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has always kept CARDIACS in check with a tried and tested punishment / reward system.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN sees no reason to change that.
CARDIACS have, as per usual, been asked to perform certain tasks recently.
Your favourite group’s lack of communication does little to encourage THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
Members of CARDIACS have been sighted publicly carrying themselves in such a way as to tarnish the reputation of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.

Punishments will be swift and fair.

CARDIACS ON TOUR

NOVEMBER 2008

13 NOVEMBER YORK FIBBERS
The Stonebow, Unit 8/12, Stonebow House, York, YO1 2NP 08700 600 100
www.fibbers.co.uk/ticketline

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN
 
In the interest of keeping ‘idle talk’ to a minimum THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feels the time is RIGHT to officially announce the support acts for Cardiacs forthcoming tour.
 
THE GOD DAMN WHORES will be opening proceedings.
  
Anyone who witnessed the CRUSHING ASSAULT and frequent use of ‘blue language’ that ex-Cardiac Jon Poole’s ‘team’ trumped up at last year’s London Astoria concert will testify that this group (fronted by redoubtable colleague of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, Jon Poole) must not and WILL NOT be missed.
 
The God Damn Whores album, ‘We Are The Lucky Thirteen’ is widely available on Round Records and suggested listening.
 
The God Damn Whores feature…
Jon Poole (ex- Cardiacs/The Wildhearts)
Chris Catalyst (Sisters of Mercy/The Scaramanga Six/Antiproduct)
Jase Edwards (Ginger and the Sonic Circus/ ex-Wolfsbane)
Denzil (Ginger)
 
Following The God Damn Whores, yet INVISIBLE to the HUMAN EYE is THE GASMAN.
 
The Gasman invents and performs beautiful music to help YOU ‘fast-track’ the lonely time between ‘The Whores’ and your beloved Cardiacs. His ‘Sonic Auto Slumber’ will set off a time bomb in your soul that only the most mean-spirited would refuse to detonate.
 
Will YOU accept the detonation?
 
The Gasman’s recorded output is legion. His many recordings are available on labels such as Warp, Planet Mu and Sublight Records.
 
Recordings and merchandise for both support acts will be available at the concerts.
 
Both acts were requested specifically at Cardiacs and THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN’s behest. Make your early attendance a PRIORITY.

Regarding Cardiacs, and a gentle word in YOUR ear from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN:
 
Cardiacs will NOT be performing exactly the same set on every night of the forthcoming tour.
  
What that might mean is of no concern to you.
  
YOU, as ever, are STRONGLY ADVISED to buy YOUR tickets in advance.
 
As YOU will be aware, there are “those out there” involved in booking Cardiacs concerts, hungry for a “quick buck”, that overtly doubt YOUR loyalty to YOUR favorite group. Naysayers in the so called “music business" that would have YOUR FAVORITE GROUP banished from their dank halls if they can’t have their filthy lucre NOW! NOW! NOW!
  
While THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN would normally suggest you ignore these TORMENTORS, in this case we must demand that YOU bite that ‘rusty bullet’ and placate their weak, palsied hearts and buy your tickets IN ADVANCE.
 
Disappointment looms for the ’slack hearted’ confident of swanning in ticket less, YOUR entry may prove difficult.
 
While this forthcoming Cardiacs tour will find YOUR beloved Cardiacs enjoying many of the beautiful enclaves of this Mainland Britain, Cardiacs will NOT be performing in Scotland.
 
Word has been received by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN of disquiet ‘North of The Border’ regarding Cardiacs paucity of shows in that region.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN wish to make it clear that little or no offence is intended. Cardiacs will only play venues they are booked to perform at.
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN feel it would be both wasteful and folly for Cardiacs to attempt to perform at a venue they had not been booked to perform at.
It might even be illegal.
 
YOU may wish to jot the following text into your diary, a helpful shorthand note, abbreviated for YOU with kindness by THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
"CARDIACS CONCERT.
Support- The God Damn Whores and The Gasman.
Get there early to see them.
Buy ticket NOW” 
 
CARDIACS.
outstaying their welcome since 1977

 With respect,
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

Matlock, Derbyshire houses Richard Arkwright’s first mill.

Many would have you believe that Arkwright, the inventor of the ‘Spinning Frame’ (allegedly re-named ‘the water frame’) was the catalyst of the so-called industrial revolution. Look right out of YOUR window. Can you see the sorry mess that has been left in its wake? Look again. That selfsame mill is now a shopping centre. This is called CAUSE AND EFFECT.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN knows that YOU care very little for history, acknowledges that with YOUR generation it’s all "I’ll watch the re-run", that if YOU and YOUR untidy peer group cannot have IMMEDIATE results then to Hell with this ‘Ditzy Scene’ and all who associate with she.

Why don’t YOU try sending the following construct to HELL and see where it gets you.

CAUSE:
In a recent communiqué THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN warned, "Follow THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN’s suggestion and these shows are just the beginning. Interfere, and YOU will be punished in ways YOU can not imagine”.

YOUR behavior changed, CARDIACS were allowed to pursue their ‘activities’ and THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can announce a happy effect.

EFFECT:
Cardiacs new single ‘Ditzy Scene’
Released on Org Records Nov 5th 2007
Ordering details from www.organart.com

Order this NOW to avoid the trauma of having to buy an overpriced copy from a disreputable ‘entrepreneur’ a few months ‘down the line’.

Or would YOU rather see this opportunity in Hell?

CARDIACS.
taking a bad idea and running with it since 1977

with respect

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

There now follows an announcement from THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

A guarantee is a binding agreement, a warrant that something WILL happen. How, then, to guarantee one’s safety, one’s future, one’s EYES?
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN knows YOU expect too much.
Have YOU ever wondered why it is Cardiacs withhold their blazing joys?
Stow tight their luminescent hue?
It is YOUR fault.
ALL your faults.
Like a single insistent child, hewn into many. Amassed, "I want, I want".

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has heard you many times.
 
In the interests of fair-play THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN maintains that with all ‘dressing downs’ comes THE SWEETENER.
 
THE SWEETENER will be on offer to the Faithful and the Unfaithful.

The Loyal and the Disloyal.

It will be received, gratefully, on June 28th 2007.

Details on THE SWEETENER;
 
Cardiacs will play the songs YOU love live in session on
MARC RILEY’S ROCKET SCIENCE RADIO SHOW on BBC 6 MUSIC from 7pm.
Thursday 28th June 2007.

YOU will stand by YOUR radio.
YOU will press up YOUR vile ear to the tinny-sounding speaker.
YOUR heart will erupt and YOUR guts will swirl.
Like the angry sea, like all biblical storm.
YOUR big eyes might POP OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN guarantees this.

With respect
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.

THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN.
 
Cardiacs London Astoria Theatre 10 November 2006.
 
The shows will start early.
 
There are few among us who have not endured the cleansing rigours of a harsh education, few who do not still consult the Slide Rule, feel the birch, or apply The Left-Hand Screw Principle to the hum-drum tasks that this ‘Life-challenge’ hurls at us.
 
Lucky are we, safe in the comforts of OUR learnings, yet there are those in stranger echelons who see fit to conduct their business selfishly, for whom personal gain is a Guiding Principle.
 
Through their deviant proclivities, certain “parties” have been eager to prove “Two into One WILL Go”. Certain “organisations” seem a little too happy to Have Their Cake and Eat It.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN customarily avoids such Greedy-mouths all covered in sickly crumbs and in keeping with our reputation as the caring concern seeks only to trade with those parties that we have deemed to be most beneficial to YOU.
 
It has come to our attention, sadly, that a certain organisation, which is soon to be smashed-up, destroyed and reduced to ash, has enforced its self-seeking procedure upon OUR annual celebration.
 
Sheepishly, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN must insist that YOU are in attendance to experience The Goddamn Whores, who will begin their performance at the “well-mannered” time of 7pm.
  
Ashen-faced, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN must announce the grave news that The Astoria Theatre will open its doors at 6:45pm this Friday.
 
Short shrift for Jon Poole and company who, as a loyal representative of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN for many years, deserves better.
 
Short shrift, indeed, for YOU.
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN is only too aware that our Loyal are made up of hardworking toilers, who must adhere to the tedious hours of “The Working Day”.
Bear in mind, then, under the draconian measures put into place by “a certain organisation” Cardiacs will be taking to the stage absolutely NO LATER than 8.20pm maybe even earlier.
 
The reward for your patience? Flunkeys from “a certain organisation” will aggressively herd you into the street upon completion of Cardiacs set, allowing some of God’s more delicate creations to hoof about to “ironic” music.
 
We, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, will try our best to get things running a little later but you have been warned.
 
With respect
 
THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN

Winter draws in, both for the loyal and the heretic, yet there are those among us, the naysayers, the gullible, the downright suggestible that would have us believe we are currently undergoing an atmospheric shift.

We must, they claim, be wary of leaving running taps and disposing of refuse in whatever way we see fit, lest we find all our seasons smashed into one blazing “un-season”, lest our greens are scorched into ochre’s and our chilblains are consigned to the same foggy hold that houses both Bakelite and dodo.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN refutes this idle tommyrot and insists that by November only a fool would parade the outside still clad in his summer garment.

So, the frigid gloom descends once more and with it the sense of another year drawing to its fruitless close. Yet there are those among the loyal for whom this maudlin ghost wraps not his icy fingers about their throats with its deathgrip too tight.

Their secret? They have wisely purchased their entry tickets to see CARDIACS at the Astoria Theatre on November the 10th in advance.

Disappointment looms only too heavily for our less prudent brood, foolhardily expecting their passage from the cold streets of Charing Cross into the warm glow in the presence of their favourite group to be an easy one.

THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can make no promise as to the availability of tickets to this event in the few days preceding it, and as always YOU are strongly advised to purchase tickets in advance.

With this warning comes resolve, (our little sweetener).

By attending early YOU will witness The Goddamn Whores, the new outfit put together by Jon Poole, featuring the glorious talents of this mighty ex-Cardiac and redoubtable colleagues Ginger and Jase Edwards of The Wildhearts and Wolfsbane repute, respectively.

Cardiacs, bending to the will of YOU, the loyal, will be performing songs that YOU requested.

Your attendance is a given.

Their mighty lungs blare out all the beauty in this world, their eyes betray sorrow, and their hands are wrought with sickness. The Girls batter YOUR heartbeat into their big bass drums.

YOU will not falter this year.